Repair project tests the bonds of marriage

This weekend I have the honor and the privilege to be the speaker at a 50th wedding anniversary party. I must say I am a bit nervous about what I will say.

You may remember that a couple of years ago I officiated a wedding. That was nerve racking just because I had never really paid attention to where the officiant stood or what he did. The message was easy because I was a grizzled veteran of 28 years of wedded bliss. Now I am the newcomer talking to experts.

This week we also RSVPed for a wedding. The form was an extensive one with lots of questions, the final one being a piece of advice on how to have a long marriage. My idea was to never have enough money to hire a lawyer. Jennifer did not think that was appropriate, and came up with something more profound.

So, I may not be the best at giving advice, but I can provide some humor.

Jennifer and I will celebrate 30 years this fall, and without a doubt those 30 years I would not want to have spent with anyone else. I did not say they were easy, but having someone to lean on through the challenging times and sharing the successes makes it all worth it.

I have come to understand that marriage has a steep learning curve and that you will never stop learning new things. Just this past week I found another task that will test a marriage just like raising kids and working cows. We put two new belts on our baler. I know, putting belts on a baler is not exactly rocket science, and should not be all that hard.

This is the first time I have had to put belts on this baler, and I have had it for five years. I think that is remarkable. Earlier in the week a belt broke, and it broke the next one, too. I went to the dealership and got two new belts and a pep talk on how to do it from the mechanics in the shop.

This was during the days when the heat index was well over 100 and it “cooled” down to 90 degrees in the evening. Climbing inside a baler to weave the belts through the appropriate rollers was not going to be fun, even in the shade.

I had put belts on our old baler lots of times, but it did not have nearly as many rollers, and I was younger and more limber. To top it off, I was nursing a rodeo injury that made raising my arm above my shoulder painful. (OK, saying it was a rodeo injury might be stretching it, but I did it getting out of the bleachers at a rodeo.) To make matters worse I hurt my other arm tripping over my feet two days later. I am definitely falling apart.

So, I asked Jennifer to help me. It is easier to have someone feed the belt through from the outside too. We decided that we would start when Jennifer got home from work because it was cooler in the evening, again 90 degrees versus 100 degrees. Great plan, except that the horses got out and backed up our start time.

We got the first belt on with a great deal of discussion and cussing. I must say my expert advice from outside was not appreciated, Jennifer said it had to do with the tone of my voice. I thought I was being firm but loving. She thought I was grumpy and overbearing.

I knew we were in trouble with the second belt because the sun was going down quickly. We had decided to do this in the hay field because we had thought “how hard can it be to put a couple of belts on?” Soon dark overtook us and made it difficult to see how the belt went over the rollers and in what order.

Jennifer is one of those people who cannot stand to leave a job partially done. We worked by the headlights from the side-by-side and both cell phone flashlights. No, we did not take flashlights because we did not think we would need them. Finally, at 9 p.m., Jennifer gave in and left the second belt for me to do the next morning, in the daylight.

The hard work was mainly done, especially the overhead pulling and lifting of the belt. I came back with a step ladder just a little taller and that made fishing the belts over the rollers a bit easier. It was not simple, but eventually I got it done and was baling by that afternoon.

The bottom line was that we got it done as a team, and after 30 years we still make a pretty good team. Yes, it got tense during and afterward, and I am still making amends, but that is an ongoing, never-ending thing.

Marriage is experiencing new things, like putting belts on balers, and using that experience to strengthen your relationship or at least survive the ordeal.